9 things you should know before moving to Richmond
The bears at Maymont do exist.
Even though they are never out when I go looking for them. I have been to Maymont a million times and I have seen the bears maybe twice. So while they do exist don’t get too excited about seeing them. Go check out the bison — way cooler and always around.
Po-white vs. Pow-hite
The great Richmond pronunciation gate! Po-white or Pow-hite? The rich blue bloods raised in the West End find it distasteful to say “Po-white,” as in po’ white trash. While South Siders relish in their white trashy-ness. Where are you from?
3rd vs. 4th street diners
Let’s set this one straight for life. 3rd Street Diner sucks. Last time I had dinner at 3rd Street we asked the waitress what was good, “Nothing really. Everything is pretty bad here” she replied. Not only do the food and service suck, but 3rd street is where crazy high school teens go when they break curfew. 4th street rocks people. It’s quiet and has good food. Only down side is no full bar at 4th St.
There are three universities in Richmond
Yup three (1, 2, 3). One of them is North of Broad St. — awhaaaaa?!
Ukratic Idiosyncrasies
Ukrop’s is the official super market (thats “the store” for you South Siders) of Richmond. Yes they are more expensive, yes they are closed on Sundays, yes they don’t sell alcohol. But this is why we love Ukrop’s. These small annoyances make us feel safe and at home. Plus they own Richmond, you might as well just give in now.
Storm Paranoia
Richmond is reasonably protected from serious weather. Far enough South to avoid fifteen foot snow drifts and far enough north to avoid Hurricanes. Tornadoes and earthquakes (although Charlottesville is build on a fault line) typically aren’t a problem either. But if there is threat, nay, mere mention of an approaching storm DO NOT VENTURE OUTSIDE! You have a better chance of dying in the mad rush of Ukrop’s bound traffic than you ever would from a weather system. Within hours of the local news covering a storm Ukrop’s will be sold out of bread and water. This is truth. Also, within 2x hours of covering a storm the local news will be covering the lack of bread and water at Ukrop’s.
The Midnight Movie sucks
Perhaps that is an over generalization. The Midnight Movie at the Byrd Theatre is great for high school kids wearing lots of black — but not for people who love movies. Showing cult hits at midnight on Saturday nights may seem like a good idea. I mean, it probably is. But just do yourself a favor and don’t go. People shout out the words to the movie, which I am ok with WHEN THEY GET THE WORDS RIGHT. But these people won’t. Trust me. Stay home.
As a side note, everyone should go see the Mighty Wurlitzer (before the 7pm Saturday movie) at least once in their life.
The Arthur Ashe statue is hilarious
When city council (or whomever) decided that Arthur Ashe would join the Confederate greats on Monument Ave., you can bet quite a few people were ticked off. I mean he’s black. Forget about how he is easily the most famous person to come out of Richmond in a long time! Anyway the statue went up amids much turmoil. Ashe faces west — back turned to the city and its bearded heroes. The caption most Richmonders would give to the Arthur Ashe statue is:
NEXT TIME YOU TRY TO READ THESE BOOKS I WILL SMACK YOU WITH THIS RACKET!!!
Agees bicycle theme song
… Follow the leader! DUN DUN DUN. Its in your soul, now you’re on a roll. Saving money too! Agees Bicycle it brings out the best in YOU! DUN DUN DUN DUN.
seriously 3rd street is teh sux0rz. big time.
— havoc | @
po-white is what i say. although recently i have been calling it 76, which is really strange. people in fxbrg call all the roads by their numbers and it ticks me off to no end. THERE ARE 2 MAIN ROADS NAMED 17. NO ONE EVER SPECIFIES WHICH ONE.
you should add 10, everyone in the suburbs of richmond think it is like escape from LA style anarchy in there.
— midas | @
i have photo-proof that the bears exist they were leaning againt the fence, i could have stuck my fingers through and petted them. it was the first time in my lifetime of going that i have ever seen them.
but it happened for me this past summer—so remain faithful, it will pay off.
and it is po-white, damn you hippy-frisbee lovin westenders
— vanimal3000 | @
I mean I say 360. No one says hull street road, because hull street road is a lame name for a street.
Sometimes I say 60 for midlothian.
Also let me say this: I grew up in and now live in Richmond, and I dont’ really go to Maymont. I have never tried to see the bears. In fact, I have no idea what you’re talking about.
— RMSzero | @
the bears are rare. or rear. haha
but the otters. man oh man talk about cute. on a warm summer afternoon those guys will entertain you for hours or until sunset when the park closes.
— havoc | @
i mean sure, some roads are named numbers. although i always say hull street and never 360.
but here, there is not a single road named by a name. sure they have them, but no one uses them. even friggin jeff davis is “route 1.” i mean who would call a road “route 3″ when they could just as well call it “blue and grey parkway”? a yankee that’s who.
— midas | @
It’s Hull Street Road. Get it right if you’re gonna say it.
Also, since when does everyone go to Maymont all the time? Are you guys going over there and not inviting me? I mean, maybe I never wanted to go anyway. Did you think of that? So there.
— RMSzero | @
i havent been in awhile. last time i went was with a girl. girls love otters.
— havoc | @
dude you go w/ girls to make out at maymont….err…..did i say last summer….maybe it was 2 summers ago…i forget—high school, thats when, high school.
seriously dudes don’t take other dudes to maymont….unless you’re into that sortof thing. which is cool, if thats who you are.
i always say the number and the road….for instance “360-Hull street”
— vanimal3000 | @
maymont rocks. i must say i’ve seen the bears many times. they used to have it so that even if they were “away” you could go around behind this place and see them in their cage/enclusure things. also, i touched a bear thru the fence once. i also touched a fox that was in the bear enclosure. also, one time i fed the bears cinnamin toast crunch (i know i’m the devil) and they sat on their butts and begged for it. i’m not even kidding. i used to go there all the time when i was a kid.
also, i like 3rd street better than 4th. so what now?? so does my wife. and so did rmszero i think.?. i mean, 4th might have better food *maybe* but the atmosphere at 3rd is better x a billion. there’s all these weirdo people in there and they’re all different. 4th stret is smokey boring tiny room with too many tables/area unit. however good the food is, it can’t compare to the overall dining experience of 3rd. no way.
— Wolf | @
I’m still laughing at the Arthur Ashe comment. I always thought that books screw up your backhand volley. Personally, I’m waiting for the statue of Wilder on a horse smacking Jim Ukrop or something…
— Conaway Haskins | @
4th street must be attended after 11, after 2 is actually the best time. Also when people say that there is traffic, it usually means that it will take you 5 extra minutes. Also Richmond has many hidden secrets, say the church hill tunnel. Richmond is also famous for sucking-crime, ibooks, baggy pants, and condensation on basketball floors(uva vs. Mich State a couple years back). However our fair city has alot going for it too.
— murfdog | @
i will add, as i study secured transactions this fine evening.
that i worked at ukrops, and can confirm, that people both call it the store, and rush it for milk, bread, bottled water, soup, and curiously, ice cream, when it calls for snow–”just in case, cause there was this one time, 12 years ago, when we were stuck for 2 days, and i said, lord, if i ever get out of this, ill always go to the store.” meanwhile im pushing their grocery cart nodding my head.
— vanimal3000 | @
4th st. boooooooooo. really i have no problem with 4th st. except that it bores me.
ukrops booooo also. sure, the family has done some things for richmond (like vapaf for instance?), but i’m just not down with paying $billions extra for nothing. yeah, nothing. “they” say the ukrops are worth over $100million!! maybe it’s time to lower the prices you greedy bastards!
— Wolf | @
I posted that Ukrop’s thing just for you wolf ; )
— MaxPower | @
I am in general willing to pay a little bit more money for better service, even if the product is the same.
Also, I see the bears all the time, you guys must be going at wierd times.
— nic | @
i see the bears too nic. maybe we have special bear vision!
if i could hand bob ukrop a list and he’d show up with bags of groceries, i’d pay more. but i’m not going to pay more for a fake smile and being called “sir.” and i don’t care to have some 80 year old man with arthritis take my stuff to the car. kroger by my house is awesome. clean, lots of selection, good prices. and i do self check-out so i don’t usually have to deal with any people at all. when it comes to groceries, i’m more interested in speed, quality of product, and price. but that’s just me.
— Wolf | @
right on wolf, i used to always shop at FOOD LION because it was cheap ass. the food sucked, but i can’t cook, so i would screw up the good food anyways, might as well save the money. i like being served by the pimply teenagers, cuz i know where i stand with them. it makes me uncomfortable to be served by old people, you never know if they fought in vietnam or something.
now maura does the grocery shopping, i think she goes to giant. actually maybe ukrops. oh well.
— midas | @
let me say this. way weirder people at 4th street. like seriously insane.
one night i went and scotty p was having a free style battle with this old black dude.
also one time midas and max and i went to maymont wiht some ladies as a group. but we had more fun climbing in trees and being boys.
— havoc | @
True. I think havoc actuall touched a bull’s horn that day. We should plan another day for sure.
— MaxPower | @
the bamboo forest is one of my favorite parts about maymont. we used to play hide and seek / tag in there like nobody’s business. oh man. i’ve caught several animals there too. i should get a job there. or the zoo. hmmmmm.
— Wolf | @
Max has made out with lots of people in the bamboo forest. None of them were me.
— Valeree Lynn | @
i’ve made out in the bamboo forest, but not with ross.
— stephanie anne | @
wait a minute.
you dont shop at ukrops. thats downright unamerican. its certainly unrichmond.
i could not shop anywhere but ukrops w/ a completely clear conscience–i do it on occasion, but its like cheating–which may be a bad analogy given the readership of this site. ahem.
anyways. all of you should shop at ukrops. how many kroger sponsored cool-richmond events do you see? ukrops does alot for richmond–its like eating ben and jerrys ice cream–its a responsible decision—though i don’t agree with the b and j results. so perhaps all of my analogies on this post are crap. sigh.
point is. i feel strongly that you should go there. at least if its mon-sat. sun, well, thats their own fault. WWJD people, WWJD. which was hilariously used by larry david on curb your enthusiasm (hbo show) to justify to his wife why he invited a sex offender neighbor to their passover celebration–WWJD.
~V~
— vanimal3000 | @
the ukrops got howard stern taken off the air in richmond.
censorship. i hate it.
and ukrops brand food is crappy. liek their bread sucks.
but damn them if they dont make one hell of a mac and cheese dish.
— havoc | @
ditto stephanie anne.
And the midnight movie does suck. I almost started a fight at Fight Club.
— Coulie | @
i don’t feel bad at all for not shopping at ukrops. why do you think ukrops does those events for richmond?
a. tax write off
b. publicity/advertising/marketing
c. maybe they care a little about richmond, but mostly bc it makes them richer.
also, i’ve heard that ukrops brand food is really just “richfood” with ukrops written on it. for whatever that’s worth.
— Wolf | @
Dude I heart Richfood. That is all.
Oh also, I hate the midnight movie, did I say that before? I went to see office space and some jack hole yelled out “I AM A PEOPLE PERSON.” When those clearly aren’t the words. Man that killed it for me.
It sucks that they show really really good movies most of the time. The enviornment just sucks for watching them.
— MaxPower | @
i don’t know if the richfood thing is true. it’s just what “they” told me.
maybe you should drink a lot before you go to the movie. maybe snort some coke or something. i bet that would make it better. woooo!!!!!
— Wolf | @
i don’t live in richmond, so i can shop wherever i want! also, krogers put my mom thru college HOW DARE YOU NOT SHOP THERE!
— midas | @
im just saying
be communist if you want
hey i got an idea
lets all meet at applebees and then go to starbux later, and then drive over to barnes and noble with an ice cream from mcdonalds–im sure their profits will go towards richmond in some way past the 5.50 an hour they pay the HS grad working there.
im just sayin’
whatev though
howard stern is ok, isn’t he on sirius now tho? so most people in other markets didn’t like him either? i watched the show, seemed pretty redundant though…midas back me up. everytime they had a wannabe playmate, i was watching it, right? oh wait. not true. syke.
— vanimal3000 | @
ummm i mean howard stern was dropped because the FCC made it too expensive to have him in the air, not cuz he wasn’t popular. he was picked up pretty quick by a station that isn’t regulated by the fcc.
i don’t like him much either, but i’m just saying.
— midas | @
haha, it’s called capitalism, not communism.
he who offers me the best product at the lowest price gets my business.
you’ve been hypnotized by the ukrops propaganda machine.
— Wolf | @
no way! i mean im sure the communists offered cheaper housing, education, ak-47s, vodka, and look where it got them.
you have to preserve a way of life, or it will all be mega-corporate-conglomerates soon. fight the power dude. we should probably just all go to walmart for some comfort food, and cool down.
admittedly don’t know all the ends/outs of stern/fcc, so ill lie low, and defer to your judgment. that sounds like an excuse for poor ratings to me tho.
— vanimal3000 | @
in RT-D today:
“Now in its 22nd year, the Ukrop’s/Retail Merchants Assoication Christmas Parade will feature 70 units, including balloons, floats, bands and various groups. The parade’s theme is “A Cinematic Christmas” and will include floats such as “It’s a Wonderful Life” and a “Hollywood Christmas.”"
— vanimal3000 | @
to quote myself:
a. tax write off
b. publicity/advertising/marketing
c. maybe they care a little about richmond, but mostly bc it makes them richer.
and
“you’ve been hypnotized by the ukrops propaganda machine”
— Wolf | @
Also, midas, Howard Stern was banned from Richmond because the Ukrop’s found him offensive. This was way before he moved to sirrus.
— MaxPower | @
haha. maybe i am wolf. or maybe its also because i love america. and if thats a problem, i stand guilty. as. charged.
but these colors dont run and they dont hide.
— vanimal3000 | @
yeah i knew that happened a long time ago. i thought van was talking about why he was dropped from clearchannel recently (and then picked up by sirius). which, since he was dropped like the day after CC was fined like a million dollars or whatever for him saying something about vaginas, is pretty clearcut i think.
— midas | @
Check this out. Bears aplenty.
— Sterling | @
yo assholes, you ain’t richmond till you’ve had a 3rd st. diner waitress ex-girlfriend o.d. on heroin and die. or else skateboarded through the downtown parking garages. come back when you grow some balls or can make some fucking art. pussys.
Old school represent: Pine street style fuckers!
http://www.shamblingdarkness.blogspot.com
— claybee | @
Stern wasn’t dropped from CC, he left it so he could work in a medium not subjected to censorship. It’s been a huge blow to radio stations all over the country. I lived in RVa when the Ukrops’ bought out his contract. I now live in radio-free NYC where Stern’s move to Sirius has garnered a great deal of media attention. Granted, I found the radio show to be more entertaining after watching the “E” show a few times. Regardless, now that he’s moving to satellite radio, I’ll probably trade in my old-school radio for a satellite receiver.
I enjoy my right to choose my listening entertainment.
— Moose | @
Isn’t he switch to sirrius now? Did XM drop him or what he always on Sirrius?
— MaxPower | @
i think it was always sirius.
— midas | @
Stern left FM radio because he is so popular he’s worth the 500 million to Sirius to bring his audience. Ukrops will choke on their awful branded garbage food while promoting “values” they approve of. I looking forward to the next time Richmond burns.
— mb | @
[...] Things you should know about Richmond before moving here. [...]
— this is ashleyspace | @
the bears no longer exist. sigh.
http://www.timesdispatch.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=RTD/MGArticle/RTD_BasicArticle&c=MGArticle&cid=1137834349009&path=%21news&s=1045855934842
i was going to do a write-up but it’s 2am.
— Wolf | @
i can’t even believe that story. people are stupid. who lets a 4 year old climb a fence and feed a grown bear an apple through another fence??? they should have put the parents to sleep instead of the bears. they should be held responsible to replace the bears. in the meantime, the whole family should have to live in the enclosure wearing bear suits.
— Wolf | @
that is very sad
— nic | @
http://welcometorichmond.blogspot.com/2006/02/remember-bears-i-guess-no-one-outside.html
I’ve been following the bear thing for some time, and I think it might be getting out of hand. I fully support the parent being hit with a Negligence suit as soon as possible, but damn if this thing is being dragged out. This whole “Landfill burial” thing was waaay exploited. I mean, they’re bears. A)They’re dead B) They’re BEARS, they really don’t care.
I just hope the kid isn’t being hurt too bad. (I know, eating a little crow with that link of mine) This media circus must be taking it;s toll on him. (Though he is 4, so there’s a damn good chance he’s forgptten.)
On the actual list, that Arthur Ashe thing is spot-on. My dad gave it the same caption years ago. I met the guy who sculpted it once, that guy who did the Braves statue and the one at Maymont.
— Jonathan | @
just to let you know, the Agee’s jingle on the main page is mistaken. and incomplete. see below.
Lookin good, gettin in shape,
Whoa-oh you’re feelin great!
Agee’s Bicycles… shows you the way!
FOLLOW THE LEADER!
-dun-dun-dun-
Take control, It’s in your soul!
Now you’re on a roll,
Savin’ money too!
Agee’s Bicycles!
We bring out the best in YOU!
-dun-dun-dun-dun-
fin.
— LP | @